What is Alignment Coaching?
How does it feel to look and truly see?
Alignment Coaching
Alignment coaching is a collaborative process during which people explore who they are, what the truly desire, and how to bring their lives into alignment with those things. Different coaches may approach the work differently, and most have different target populations they work with.
I approach alignment coaching in four pillars:
Values
Visions
Mindsets
Actions
I’ve written extensively on what alignment coaching is and each of my four pillars. Today, I’m feeling called to explore the impact of alignment and what each of the pillars feels like.
What Does Alignment Coaching Feel Like?
I’ve heard people say that alignment is like coming home.
Sometimes it’s helpful to understand what something isn’t to understand what it is.
Misalignment
I work with a lot of driven, professional women. I love working with this group because I was (and to some extent still am) one of them. For me, I fell into the professional trap of climbing the ladder, office politics, increasing salaries, yet decreasing satisfaction. At first, I didn’t notice the misalignment because the shiny disco ball of professional possibility kept me distracted. I had internalized outside messages about success, proving myself, performing professionalism, and indeed what life in the American capitalist patriarchy demanded of people.
Misalignment felt confusing. There was something that I felt but couldn’t name or see. I was born with a hold-my-beer gene; when someone/society tells me I can’t do something, I do it. Messages about what women could/couldn’t do, what the child of an immigrant could/couldn’t do, what people of color could/couldn’t do, and messages about what folks in poverty could/couldn’t do activated that gene. That spurred me into contrary action, and that action was encouraged by other sets of social messages— like the American Dream, the illusion of meritocracy, and the can-women-really-have-it-all debate.
I built my professional and personal vision on that sand.
Misalignment felt unsustainable. When I got a fancy new title, or breached six-figures, I felt good but I also felt bad. The vision I chased was validated in those moments throughout my career. But I felt tired, on edge, stressed, and nervous all the time. I wasn’t sleeping, I cried after work (sometimes during). I was walking on eggshells in a professional political landscape that made no sense to me. Eventually, I burnt out—requiring three months of recovery.
Misalignment felt frustrating. Why isn’t this working is a question I often asked myself. If I’m checking of success indicators on paper, why do I feel so unfulfilled? Why is 2 + 2 equalling five here? Why do I feel like I don’t know myself anymore? Why do I feel like I’m serving someone else’s mission instead of my own?
Misalignment felt transgressive. In the age of the Internet, artificial intelligence, and commercial orbits of earth, how have we not figured out how to be well at work? I started to use the systems and tools around me to demand and advocate for fairness, balance, and justice at work. I began to expect wellbeing. I began to question the premise that purpose and fulfillment were luxuries reserved for the lucky. This was not well received by the professionals and systems around me ;)
“Misalignment felt frustrating. Why isn’t this working is a question I often asked myself. “
Alignment
Alignment on the other had is an exercise in opposites.
The first pillar of alignment, Values, felt like setting down a heavy weight. Have you ever left a conversation with a person feeling truly seen and connected? The Values pillar of alignment coaching feels a lot like that. It’s an intimate opportunity to clear out the noise, to look at ourselves, and to truly see. This pillar builds a bridge of reconnection between the true self and all of the stuff we have accumulated along the way. It’s an invitation to look closely at ourselves without judgment or fear. It uncovers what’s not working, and when something’s working—why. We identify what we value and why, where our values come from, and whether or not they’re serving us in this state of life. We embrace what’s not working with curiosity and an open heart. And we build acceptance for the gap between who we are and who others may want us to be. It feels like reconnecting with an old friend; it feels like understanding, hope, and authentic, crystal-clear connection.
The second pillar of alignment, Visions, feels like getting back into the sandbox on our favorite childhood playground. Back then, we simply wanted what we wanted out loud, with very little self-editing. Visions is a place full of possibility and magic— there’s no judgment. It feels like traveling through a vacuum and into a parallel universe in which all that we dream is possible, valid, and safe. THAT feels like coming in from the rain and sitting cross-legged in front of a crackling fire. It also feels empowering. Having a clear vision for your life, unedited by the outside influences of society or the dreaded “Shoulds,” gives us a new North Star to navigate through life. Questions that once overwhelmed us are met with grounded simplicity: Does this take me North or not?
The third pillar, Mindsets, feels like an epic quest. This is the pillar that explores how we got off course to begin with. In many, if not most, cases, we’re dragged of course by limiting beliefs, mindsets, or mental habit energies that keep us stuck. Many folks have an idea of what their purpose is, but run scared the second the take one step toward it. That’s because our LBs and mindsets are by our earliest experiences, and cut to the absolute core of our being. Coaching is about accepting what is so you can take action toward something different. It’s challenging to face ourselves, but without doing so— you’ll end up right back where you started ASAP. Mindsets challenges you to name and face the habits that hold you back, but it also arms you with new tools, new habits, and new skills to forever change the way you approach the world. It prepares you to stay in the arena long enough to overcome any challenge there, so you can enjoy everything on the other side. I’ve been told by clients that this pillar has left them feeling empowered, able to break their own loops, and confident in approaching their next steps.
The fourth and final pillar, Actions, feels like having a clear runaway, ready for take-off. It’s about building a clear map to your North star, and knowing you have every tool in your backpack to reach your destination. You feel a restored sense of self-trust, clarity, peace, and confidence. You know what obstacles to expect on the journey, and exactly how to navigate them. Aligned action is a path clearly marked; you know exactly which turns to take and which to avoid on the way to your destination. But these are MapQuest directions, printed out and fixed. You become a confident navigator of your life—nimble, flexible, and aligned.
Aligned action is a path clearly marked; you know exactly which turns to take and which to avoid on the way to your destination.
