How to Become More Decisive

Two paths diverged in a green wood.

Indecision Sucks

Not being able to make a choice sucks. Second guessing everything you do also sucks. Feeling anxiety, FOMO, or rumination every time you’re faced with a choice sucks, too.

It can be a paralyzing experience. Literally.

I’ve witnessed many clients in the coaching space freeze up, get stuck, and avoid when presented with a decision.

Big or small, decision for many can be debilitating. Making a choice can make people feel trapped, cut off from possibility, or fear making the wrong move.

But we have to make decisions, right? No decision is a decision, and it’s possibly the worst decision you can make because it takes away your agency.

But don’t panic— help is on the way.

Can You Learn to Be Decisive?

Yup! I watch people become more decisive all the time.

The trick is not to set out to become decisive. That may sound counter intuitive, but indecision is a symptom not a cause. Focusing on treating the symptom will bring temporary relief. But the underlying cause is still there, and it will pop back up.

Like so many other things in life, lasting treatment requires you to identify the cause. Identifying what’s underneath your struggle with indecision is a step you can’t skip.

For some, indecision stems from a belief they aren’t capable. For others, it may have originated with a parental or authority figure that doled out harsh punishment for “wrong” decisions. For others still, it can come from a fear of missing out on the infinite possibilities of life. And about one trillion other possible causes.

Getting curious about what happens when you try to make a decision but can’t is the first step. With a heaping pile of compassion and zero judgement, go to that place and ask questions. What am I feeling? What am I fearing? What’s happening here in my body? What stories am I telling myself? What am I trying to avoid?

“No decision is a decision, and it’s possibly the worst decision you can make because it takes away your agency.”

Knowing Thyself: Overcoming Indecision

A closely related cousin of indecision is self-doubt.

If you don’t feel a strong sense of connection to who you are, what you want or like, or your values and feelings, a lot of decisions during your day will likely be rife with self-doubt.

Do I want this? What will people think? Is this the right move?

If that just sounds like indecision to you, I invite you to dance in the nuance.

I don’t like mangoes. Yes, I know, ¿que horor? I don’t like the taste and I REALLY don’t like the texture. When someone offers me mango, or the only desert option on a menu is mango-flavored— I decline. The decision is clear because I know and accept this about myself. I don’t like mango— period.

If I were to doubt myself on this point, my decision tree could look more like: What will people think if I decline the world’s most popular fruit? Do I really not like it? Maybe the last mango I had (30 years ago) was just a bad mango. Maybe I could try it again just to check. Will they think it’s rude if I don’t eat it? Oh, I’ll just eat it to be polite.

Mango is a small decision point. When self-doubt enters the chat on BIG decisions, a lot of suffering can arise.

In that way, knowing (and accepting) yourself is a fast track to overcoming indecision.

Ew. 

So Tell Me What You Want (what you really, really want)

If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone use a judgey tone when talking about personal development, I’d be much farther along on student loan repayment.

If this blog gives you anxiety because you think you should know yourself, you should already know why you struggle with indecision, or you should be able to just make a damn choice— it’s likely that some judgey judgement is going on.

For so many reason, people (ESPECIALLY women) become disconnected from who they truly are and what they truly are. We will not (on this blog) judge or shame for not feeling connected to our wants, needs, values, bodies, or decision making ability/inability.

So with all that judgey energy in the garbage bin, tell me what you want.

What do you want from you work life? What do you want from your personal life? Your relationships? What does your perfect world look like? Do you like mangoes?

A Recipe for Decisive Action

Alignment coaching is all about exploring what you really, really want, what’s in your way, how to overcome it, and then taking decisive action in the direction of your dreams.

Sometimes it’s about exploring something BIG. Like switching careers, or letting go of a path that is no longer serving you.

But many times, it’s about things that seem small on the surface.

Decision-making is one of those things.

These four steps are a recipe you can use to become more decisive in every area of your life. Big or small.