Break Free from the Toxic Workplace Pattern
The Pattern That Kept Me Stuck
Have you ever found yourself working harder in response to toxic workplace behavior? If you're a driven professional focused on climbing the corporate ladder, you might recognize this pattern. I certainly do – because I lived it for years, caught in a cycle that seemed admirable on the surface but was slowly eroding my wellbeing from the inside out.
When faced with workplace challenges or toxic behavior, my immediate response was to double down and work harder. On paper, this might sound like the mark of the perfect employee – resilient, determined, resourceful. After all, isn't that what we're taught success looks like?
But in reality, it’s the part of the toxic workplace pattern. Here's what that looked like for me:
The Toxic Leader Dance
When toxic leadership showed its face – whether through erratic behavior, public humiliation of team members, or taking credit for others' work – I would respond by working even harder. I believed if I just proved my worth enough, if I just showed enough value, these leaders would have to recognize and respect me. Spoiler alert: toxic leaders don't suddenly become healthy just because you're exceptional at your job. And, as a friendly reminder, your humanity is inalienable. Begging a toxic leader to recognize your humanity doesn’t work. Believe me, I’ve tried.
The System Fighter Trap
When I encountered the systems that harmed people—discriminatory practices, unfair policies, or toxic culture— I would double down, convincing myself I could fight for change from within. I’d lead an ERG, file complaints with HR, speak up when I observed harm. I’d compile reports, submit documents, participate in listening sessions. But most systems don’t change, and every time I doubled down—I robbed a little bit more of my energy.
The Burnout-Escape Cycle
Eventually, when it all became unbearable, I would burn out spectacularly. This would trigger a frenzied period of rage-applying to new positions, desperate to escape. The problem? In my haste to get out, I wasn't careful about where I was going. This practically guaranteed I'd land in another toxic environment, starting the cycle all over again.
Cat rage apply to new jobs, probably
Doubling Down AKA Escalation of Commitment
When I look back at my past burnout and the pattern of toxic workplaces that led to it, I’m not too hard on myself. A lot of people fall into the trap of doubling down when the going gets tough. If you’ve read Think Again by Adam Grant, the reason for this may already be familiar to you.
Grant talks about Escalation of Commitment, a cognitive bias characterized by the tendency to continue investing in something despite negative outcomes. “Sunk costs are a factor,” he says, “But the most important causes appear to be psychological rather than economic.”
As Grant explains, “Escalation of Commitment happens because we’re rationalizing creatures, constantly searching for self-justifications for our prior beliefs as a way to soothe our egos, shield our images, and validate our past decisions.” If that sounds like an indictment, don’t be too hard on yourself just yet.
Escalation of commitment is often fueled by one of the “most celebrated engines of success: Grit.” Grant defines grit as the combination of passion and perseverance and notes that it plays an important role in motivation and achieving long-term goals. Alas, the path to hell is oft lined with good intentions.
If you’ve ever jumped out of a toxic pan into a toxic fire, the important message here isn’t to dwell on the how or why. Instead, understand and compassion can go a long way to helping you disrupt your our patterns.
Breaking Free form the Toxic Workplace Pattern
The first step to solving a problem is recognizing that there is a problem. Why cognitive biases like sunk cost or escalation of commitment can temporarily blind us to our behavior, we have other tools available to us that can help us break free.
When I was most stuck at toxic jobs was when I couldn’t let go of the belief that I had made a good decision in accepting the position. You start most new jobs with optimism and zest for the mission or vision of the company. Once I observed the company from the inside and realized that the math wasn’t mathing— it was much harder to say that out loud than it was to work hard to prove what I was seeing wrong. Queue the pattern: double down, fight, fight, work harder, work harder, burn out, rage apply, begin new toxic job.
I offer these steps from my own path in the hope that they may be helpful to someone. Here’s how I finally broke free.
Noticing that I Suffered: I had to notice and admit to myself that I was suffering. I had to rally my own compassion to say, “I don’t deserve to suffer in this way.”
Accepting Responsibility: I had to acknowledge my role in perpetuating my professional misery. This wasn't about blame – it was about recognizing my power to make different choices.
Clarity About Wellbeing: I got crystal clear about what I needed to be well. This meant honestly answering questions like:
What does a healthy work environment look like for me?
What do I need to feel safe, whole, and respected at work?
Aligned Action: I began making decisions based on my wellbeing rather than my need to prove myself. This meant:
Setting and maintaining boundaries
Leaving situations that didn't serve my growth
Forgiving myself for staying too long
Making peace with “failure.” Not every decision is a good one, and no company will admit if they’re a toxic mess.
These four steps helped me transform the work I do, and how I feel every day. And I see them work for my alignment coaching clients, too. I wonder what some of these questions could do for you.
