What is Identity Foreclosure and How Does it Keep You Stuck?

Once upon a time, I found myself high up the corporate ladder, in what I can only describe as a toxic cesspool of a workplace, beating away ISMs with a stick. And that's when it hit me—I was experiencing an identity crisis.

What Is Identity Foreclosure?

Identity foreclosure happens when we commit to an identity or life path without properly exploring alternatives. It's like signing a contract without reading the terms—we commit to being a certain type of person (lawyer, doctor, business executive) before we've had the chance to truly explore who we are and what we want.

Psychologist James Marcia first described this concept as part of his identity development theory. When we foreclose, we adopt an identity—often one influenced by parents, society, or early successes—without the crucial phase of questioning and exploration that leads to authentic choices.

The Hard Truth About Identity Foreclosure

I work with high-achievers who aren't afraid of hard work. But there's something they're often afraid of: identity change.

Many of us fall victim to identity foreclosure early in life. We get an idea of what we want to be when we grow up. And like a dog with a bone, we clamp down and don't let go.

Identity foreclosure isn't all bad. It's responsible for a lot of doctors, lawyers, management consultants, Nobel Prize laureates, and so on. In identity foreclosure, the object of our identity remains in constant motion until acted on by an outside force.

When that outside force arrives—like a layoff or the realization that you're in a toxic workplace—the pendulum can swing pretty quickly into identity crisis.

What Identity Foreclosure Looked Like For Me

I’m writing from a place of academic curiosity but also from lived experience. It happened to me. I foreclosed on the identity of "Santi Business Lady: climber of ladders, righter of generational patterns." I loved stacking titles, degrees, and "first in my family" achievements. I stayed on that path for a decade, even when it hurt. Even when the personal costs were high, and the payoff low, I persisted.

And then came the Great Tech Layoff, and I was forced by burnout and job loss to look myself in the eye.

The pendulum swung from foreclosure to criss. Then came the questions that shook my foundation:

• Who am I if I'm not the first person in my family to enter the C-Suite?

• Who am I if I am not the way my LinkedIn network views me?

• Who am I without the title? The team?

• Do I want to be a person that is only defined by these things?

I was on the precipice of choosing a different path, but Santi Business Lady wasn’t letting go easily. I'd feel physically ill applying to jobs in my field. And I'd feel overwhelming fear when considering new paths.

Finding My Way Through with Self-Compassion

What ended my mini identity crisis was a combination of self-compassion + a reminder of who-the-eff I am at my core.

❤️‍🔥 I unhooked from Santi-Business-Lady, thanked her, and let her chapter close.

❤️‍🔥 I remembered my core is not business lady; my core is deeply curious, compassionate, and justice-oriented.

❤️‍🔥 I trusted myself to lean into my core, and let the fire there light my path.

I looked for areas of my life or interests I had prematurely walked away from becuase of foreclosure. I had to meet my own limiting beliefs and thought distortions that told me Santi Business Lady was the only way to be. Meeting them wasn’t enough; much in the way two lovers part, I also had to hold those beliefs tenderly while letting them go. And, I had to remember that my career and education journey had already proven me capable of learning and doing hard things. That reminder allowed me to tap into a wellspring of trust, and a deep sense of knowing I could do whatever I put my heart into.

When I look back at my earlier selves, I have the sensation that it would have been better not to foreclose on who I could be for who I was at any one moment.

How fucking beautiful is it that every breath is an opportunity to begin again?

Embracing New Chapters

Are you wondering how the journey unfolded for me?

Well, dear reader, Santi Business Lady is retired but not banished. I’ve made peace with what this part of my identity did for me, but she was tired and ready to take a back seat. I call upon her energy when I need to get shit done. But I allow myself the flexibility to form new parts of my identity, integrate them, or let them go to explore new ways of being.

What does that look like in practice?

I’m now a professional alignment coach. Every day, I help driven, professional women exploring their own professional identity shifts in the beautifully collaborative and reflective process called alignment coaching. I’m a solo entrepreneur creating new ways of working, driving social impact through initiatives, and allowing myself the space and rest I need to function at my best.

In five year, who knows who I’ll be. I can’t wait to meet her. I bet she’ll be bad ass.

Moving Beyond Identify Foreclosure

Remember that your professional identity is just one facet of who you are—not your entire being. The skills and resilience you've built in your career are transferable to whatever path you choose next.

Sometimes the most powerful growth happens when we let go of who we thought we were supposed to be and embrace who we truly are at our core.

If you're facing an identity crossroads or work transition, can you lean into your core and allow what's there to shine through? The journey might be uncomfortable, but on the other side is a version of yourself that's more aligned with your authentic core.