They Say I Did Something Bad
Then why’s it feel so aligned?
Baa Baa Black Sheep
A couple of weeks ago, I gave a talk to Women’s Wealth Investing Effect titled How to Grow Your Career (and Get the Bag!) with Aligned Action. The talk covered mindset, limiting beliefs, and my practiced 4-step rundown for living a life aligned. As I began speaking, I gave the group a disclaimer: Full disclosure, I was a bit of a black sheep in my career.
I couldn’t have named it at the outset, but I attribute this to mindset. Growing up in adversity meant that from an early age, I had a clear sense of where I wanted to be and where I didn’t want to be. I also held no pretense about how things worked: I saw many people work hard and never make it out, and others have things handed to them with very little effort. This is how the world works at times.
That gave me the mindset that there were no rules I had to follow to build a career. I viewed the “right way” of building a career as theater at best and logical fallacy at worst.
If [follow the rules], then [achieve the American dream]— right? Wrong. The world around me looked more like, if [follow the rules], then [it’s a total crapshoot].
If Not B, Then Not A
If following all the career rules doesn’t guarantee the promised success, you can make your own rules, right? That’s what I did.
But let’s back up a bit and talk about some of the “rules.” The Forbes article Why Is There Such A Disconnect Between Baby Boomers And Millennials When It Comes To Work Ethic? summarize a few of the rules that have shifted over time, like the belief that loyalty can be exchanged for long-term security and stability. Or the idea that a company will reward you simply for paying your dues. Then there’s the “don’t do as I say” rule category. For example, when a company offers a benefit that they expect you not to take or institute a policy that they expect you not to follow. This Muse article summarizes this point nicely. But imagine being told you can go to the CEO with any concerns…and then facing repercussions when you actually do it.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention perhaps the most important career rule of them all: be white and be male. Owning my vantage point, I am a multi-racial, Black, Latina, woman using she/they pronouns that’s held leadership positions in the United States. Walk .25 miles in these boots, and you’ll have been called “aggressive” when a lateral male counterpart is called assertive. You’ll have been told you look threatening when you aren’t smiling. You’ll have had the skills you have literal degrees in questioned. But don’t take my lived experience as the holy grail; I am but a sample size of one. The Medium article titled “Culture Fits Only” is the Jim Crow 2.0 “Whites Only” Sign sharpens the point. Or this article. Or this article. Seriously, just Google it.
“I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention perhaps the most important career rule of them all: be white and be male.”
“Walk .25 miles in these boots, and you’ll have been called “aggressive” when a lateral male counterpart is called assertive.”
Even if You Aren’t One…
Embodied in the center of all my intersections, I learned early in my career that there were just some things I had no control over. Whether I was aggressive or not (I’m not. Like, objectively), I’d be labeled this way for making declarative sentences. I couldn’t change that racism, sexism, and ableism all exist in the workplace. I couldn’t control that the business world made in the Boomer image made no sense in a Millenial context.
So I shifted my mindset. I made my own rules. Often, that meant following company rules to a T. Other times, it meant demanding the promised reward for hard work (get it in writing, always). You’d be surprised how many people you can piss off by simply following the employee handbook or highlighting when your lateral male counterpart is earning 100K more than you (both true stories, btw!). If I was mistreated, I left. If I was underpaid, I left. If I wasn’t stimulated, I left. I asked for what I deserved; I accepted nothing less.
Something amazing happens when you shift your mindset from hoping to expecting. Hell— if the boys can feel entitled to success, why can’t I? ;)
It Feels So Good
Eventually, though, I tired of the sport. Like so many women of color, I burnt out. Getting the titles and getting the salaries I wanted was just no longer worth the trade-off. I came to a place where I valued peace, balance, service, and wellness more than the golden handcuffs.
That’s not everyone’s story. But it might be. And if it is, you may find yourself starting to question what really feels good to you in your work and life. And if— like me— that question feels radical, scary, and a little naughty at first, you’re not alone. ;) It is a radical question based on all the stated and unstated rules we have already discussed here today. Not everyone can leave a career and become a Master Certified Alignment Coach. But you absolutely can chart a path that’s in greater alignment with what feels good for you.
Most Fun I Ever Had
When I spoke with the Women’s Wealth Investing Effect group, I was deeply moved to watch driven women realize, perhaps for the first time, that they don’t have to take someone else’s word for what they’re worth in the workplace or that they can achieve their vision for life (family, money, balance, whatever) with mindset and aligned action. Watching that shift is my why. And I hope to have that impact over and over again.
If you’re interested in checking out the How to Grow Your Career (and Get the Bag!) with Aligned Action talk, it’s actually one of the BONUS gifts you receive when signing up for the New Year, Aligned You Alignment Challenge. Check it out, I’d love to help you toward your own career mindset shifts.
May you be well,
