Golden Handcuffs Got You Stuck?

For highly paid professionals in this economy, golden handcuffs are more pernicious than ever.

The Meaning of Golden Handcuffs

Before I tumbled out of my decade-long career in digital strategy, I was earning a staggering amount of money. My expenses were low, my income was HIGH— the dream, right? In some ways yes, and in many ways, no.

A quick Google search for the definition of golden handcuffs yields, “Golden handcuffs are financial incentives given to employees to discourage them from leaving a company” and “…incentives in order to retain individuals that have performed well for the company or those that have exceptional or irreplaceable skills.” (Investopedia) In reality, some industries pay high wages whether or not companies value an employee. And, of course, what a person considers high income is relative; golden handcuffs to one is not golden handcuffs to another.

But it’s the handcuffs piece I want to zero in on. Because high financial incentives don’t always come with healthy workplaces. When financial or other incentives are high enough, people can naturally question the cost of leaving. And when that includes questioning or compromising on your values, morals, purpose, or goals to keep incentives, you’re likely heading for a world of trouble.

“When financial incentives are high enough, please can question the cost of leaving. When those questions include a compromise on your values, morals, purpose, or goals— you’re headed for a world of trouble.”

Not All That Glitters is Gold

It is very human to be motivated by stable, abundant resourcing. Period. We are all human beings, with very real needs for resources like shelter, food, water, health care, etc. When we kick it at that level, we can dispense with the stigma around greed or the pursuit of material wealth. When you’re in an environment that values you, treats you well, aligns with your personal values and purpose, inspires your creativity, AND pays you highly— you don’t have golden handcuffs. You’re just highly paid and well-employed. But when you’re highly paid, but in an environment that doesn’t value you, treat you well, align with your values or purpose, or doesn’t inspire your creativity—you very likely have golden handcuffs.

How can you tell if you have golden handcuffs or not? This simple equation will help you. If you have ever said/thought/felt some version of “My job X, BUT I’m paid so well so I can’t leave” BINGO— golden handcuffs. Here are some examples:

• I’m bored at my job, but I’m paid so well.

• My job makes me so stressed, but I’m paid so well.

• I disagree with how the company is managed, but I’m paid so well.

• I’m bullied/discriminated against/not valued at my job, but I’m paid so well.

There is an upward threshold at which we all learn the very difficult lesson that not all that glitters is gold. If high financial incentive keeps you in an environment that doesn’t align with who you are, the rhythm, as Gloria Estefan astutely reminds us, is going to get you.

How Golden Handcuffs Keep You Stuck

Golden handcuffs are, without a doubt, one of the leading causes of misalignment burnout. Because at some level, we all know when we’re doing something that doesn’t align with our core being. We might not be able to articulate exactly why, but we can certainly feel the signs and symptoms of misalignment. There can be a deep, felt sense of something being off. In my coaching practice, I see a lot of mental churning/overthinking, malaise, stress, dissatisfaction, a LOT of shoulds, and a LOT of guilt.

There can be an awareness that folks don’t feel what they think they should feel. For example, I should feel grateful I earn so much money. The other side of a should is always shame (and shame’s cousin, guilt). I should feel grateful, but I can’t, and that makes me feel guilty. I also witness clients struggling with the expectations of others, which again puts them on a path to Should City and Shameville. For example, my family expects this of me, but I don’t want it— so I feel ungrateful and guilty. Another golden handcuffs biggie I see in the coaching space is cognitive dissonance. The incongruence between the stimulus and the lived experience of the anticipated result. Which is just another express train to Shame Valley and Shouldfield.

When these thoughts and feelings go unaddressed over a long period, folks often learn the hard way that the body will eventually take over. And this can look like any of the 12 stages of burnout, up to and including total system burnout.

Our brains want us safe, stable, and well-resourced. And it can do some crafty acrobatics to achieve those aims. So while we may know that the high pay isn’t worth compromising on [INSERT CORE VALUE HERE], the moment we start to do something about it, limiting beliefs often pop up.

How to Take Off Golden Handcuffs

The fastest way to break the chains of golden handcuffs is to let your internal compass simply be enough.

When I left my career to pursue a heart-led path, some of the limiting beliefs and barriers that came up for me were:

• What will people think?

• I’ve done this so long, it’s too late to change

• The pay is too high, I can’t change now

• Suffering at work is normal, just suck it up

Among other things.

I had to come to a place where I could simply allow my values, purpose, health, and desire to be enough. To be enough of a justification for making that tough choice. I let it be enough that I felt disconnected from my purpose. I let it be enough that I longed to have a more positive impact on the world. I let it my longing for a healthy balanced life be enough. I let it be enough to desire to work in a space that would light my soul on fire.

When I began to relax my heart and mind enough to simply allow my values to be enough, I got off the highway to Shoulddale and merged onto a side road bound for alignment with my purpose and values.

So my question for you is this:

Can you allow your internal compass to simply be enough?

Your wellbeing depends on it.

May you be well,

S